I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
