I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
