she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
