Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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