I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
last night I used snow as a chaser
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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