Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
