I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
