at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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