I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
