seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
