i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she peed on how many people?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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