saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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