girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
