I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Quick, to the slutcave!
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
