you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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