broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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