I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
mondays should just be called national damage control day
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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