its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
