Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
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well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
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The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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