im holly from the hills drunk
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
