What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You're like the curious george of whores
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize