the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He has the fingertips of a God
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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