Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
