how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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