I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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