i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
