im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
