drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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