when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
