Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
