I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
