Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
