So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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