Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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