i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
