Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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