True but thats because hes a fetus.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
