He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
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I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
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