I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize