I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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