My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
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What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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