today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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