they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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