if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
