nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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