yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
