Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
