Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
