Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
