He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
