Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I see more hoeing in ur future
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