you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
