just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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