i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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