dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
