my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Houston, we have a blender
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
