Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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