we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
