fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
