and next time when you feel me up, do it right
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
