you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
