Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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