I cut my penus on the lid.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
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Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
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We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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