I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
