ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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