im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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