Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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