i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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