So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
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