Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize