he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
