You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
