he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
