No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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