do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Randomize
