I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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